Friday, 17 October 2008

More Church Bulletin Bloopers

From Mikey's Funnies

~ The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours!"

~ The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

~ The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

~ A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

~ The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

~ The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

~ Evening massage: 6 p.m.

~ The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

~ The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

~ Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

~ Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

~ Ushers will eat latecomers.

~ The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical accomplishment.

~ Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

~ Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

~ Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

~ The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

~ In the church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Take Care

1 comment:

Scott said...

Great stuff, John. Got any more?